The Sensuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, well-being, love, and nearness .

But when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex try these out Trap.

" For gay males particularly in city locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with check its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Many gay males wish to discover from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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