The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love carries enormous significance and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good also).

B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to go very hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .

However when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a number of his clients have actually her response fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Lots of gay guys wish to discover from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

Nonetheless, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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