The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries immense significance and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready too).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to incredibly tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the see this hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, well-being, love, and nearness .

However when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that much of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in urban areas, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay guys desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

North includes, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual read here chemistry threat relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete basics attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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