The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and repercussions.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be excellent also).

B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to very tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .

But when issues occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay website link males, states that numerous of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in urbane locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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